soul geography

2015-10-09_1444397691

“Inspiration is always a surprising visitor.” ― John O’Donohue

Long ago my Dad gave me a great piece of advice. He dispensed this wisdom to me after meeting a gentleman I’d been dating. The words were simple, and didn’t wax eloquent: “Watch out for those who have an ‘I’ problem.”

Years after that moment, my spiritual midwifery teacher asked me to write a biography without using the word, “I.” Taking it even deeper, she had me take all references to my Self out of what was being written. It was a totally frustrating experience that taught me quite a bit about inner perception…and how we sometimes mask our being more than we should.

As someone who has been in the position of being the mentor, or teacher, it is very hard to talk about  what is going on in my space right now. Life, shall we say, is just a little bit untethered.. There is a fatigue in my system that will not allow anything other than rest and self-care. As professionals work to find what is wonky in my physiology and anatomy, my goal is to solve the mystery of what is weakening my Spirit. Thankfully my noggin seems to be doing okay, but it does have limitations. If the body says, “SLEEP,” it abides by those commands. If my spirit says, “QUIET,” the mind wrestles to be still.

Better said, in layman’s terms, I’m lost. Like so far into the weeds that even my internal Seeker has given up, gone home, and is enjoying a nice long soak in the tub.

The thing about being lost, however, is this — it makes me so happy to be “lost.” For far too many years I’ve been so sure, and so “in control,” that nothing fantastic could happen. Always having the right answer for everything can really wear out your gears. You realize that it’s not the journey, or even the destination, but more the sincere wildness of being alive. There is pure potential in unknowing, and that is exactly where I need to be…for now.

And now it’s time for more rest. Rejoice! Rejoice! All is as it should be…

~ keu/yarnandzen

 

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