“Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakable tender hand, placed beside another thread and held and carried by a hundred others.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
How wonderful it is that we are living fabric. Richly gathered with various stitches and techniques, we fit into a greater flow of Creativity.
As I was experiencing a particularly difficult time in my life, I would dream nightly of webs, looms, and storytellers. Sometimes they would be in libraries, other times they would be in a field looking at the stars. Nature herself collaborated with the Great Mystery, sending Grandmother Spider whispering secrets of wholeness. At one point my van was chock full of baby spiders – a clear sign that something, somewhere and somehow, was trying to get a message to me.
“Speak the truth; yield not to anger; when asked, give even if you only have a little. By these three means can one reach the presence of the gods.” – Dhammapada, Verse 224
As each little message came through, my Spirit felt pulled more toward a direction outside my “safety zone.” Those who know me understand that even if the Universe drags me into a certain place, I will not go if it presents an issue for my kiddos. Goodness knows that there was plenty of life lived before I became a parent.
However…these “moments” kept happening – dreams, portents, circumstances – all pointing to a most certain end.
Let them who have ears, listen…
In a more recent time, like this morning, the Dreaming gave me rich images of libraries. Each one held lavish books gilded with iridescent titles. At one point I was most certain that the Book of Kells had been laid open to a particular page just for me to ponder as I moved between the aisles of tomes.
“You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web
And that brings me to the Now – the constantly changing Ever Present. As the turkeys chatter about the neighborhood, my mind wanders back to the Dreaming. When I arrived at the last library, my entire family was waiting for me. Upon a small table between us, there was an envelope addressed to me. Reaching over to grab it, my family seemed to have a look of anticipation on their faces – hopeful and full of congratulations. Somehow, I felt, they already knew the contents, and just wanted to see my reaction.
The slip of paper I pulled out seeming to be woven from stars, and felt like gossamer. At one point it felt as if it was vibrating with light and sound. I steadied myself, and found a chair. Once fully seated, I closed my eyes and held the note in my hand. It was just glorious to sit there with such an incredible thing. Opening my eyes, the letters began dancing off the page. Like notes of the most beautiful music, these words appeared before me:
“Maybe not following your Spirit has prevented your family from great things. Stop being afraid and take gentle steps toward Wholeness.”
Mr. The Mister and the kiddos rushed toward me, with each one piling on me to give me a big hug. All of us started crying, and there was an immense joy in my being. Just as was looking forward to what might happen next, one of our “real world” family kitties decided to wake me up for food.
This is not a new theme in my life. For many years I’ve had difficulty with listening to my own intuition and inner guidance. Fear has been my greatest teacher, but I have also allowed it to hobble me in ways that may never find healing. There are permanent scars from my own bad judgments…as well as medals of honor from standing up for what is right.
As fully frightened, worried, and anxiety ridden as I am about this…I’ve decided to take Yarn and Zen to another level. It won’t just be an online resource/site/etc., but a monthly community event with food, yarn, and hope. There is no timeline, and it will all happen as it is supposed to happen.
Everything is a thread. It presents its own Beauty and grace, as well as fear and discontent, to be woven into a Cosmic Tapestry. Whether we like it or not, every single one of us in the Human World are connected to every single thing around us…including the Cosmos. When you stop to think about that, it gives you inspiration to make your small piece of the fabric a little kinder; a little more respectful.
And that’s all the rambling I’ve got in my noggin today. Truly my goal is to get some patterns listed for y’all, but I’ve been so busy making shawls that I’ve not really given it priority. 🙂
keu/Yarn and Zen