“Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.”
― Alan W. Watts
Looking at some of the comments that came my way about my past week’s writing, it seems that some folks wondered where my life was going.
What I’ve been doing, since I’ve no access (at this time) to a local teacher, is engaging myself in the art of Buddhist debate (click here to read more about this). At this time engaging my online “social” self with my this-world self has given me space to gather some inner wisdom.
Also, it seems that my empathy ramps up into mega-anxious when I’m engaging socially online. So much context is missed, and I find myself yearning for real human interaction. Maybe I’d not be so quick to let Ego take hold if the person were sitting with me at a coffee shop.
“The valley spirit dies not, aye the same;
The female mystery thus do we name.
Its gate, from which at first they issued forth,
Is called the root from which grew heaven and earth.
Long and unbroken does its power remain,
Used gently, and without the touch of pain.” – Chapter 6 of the Legge Tao Te Ching translation
If you read about the mystics, they seem to be lost quite a bit. In fact before they have some sort of “awakening,” they seek and search for anything that will quell their spiritual longing. Buddha lives with the ascetics, Jesus runs to the desert, Muhammad hangs out in a cave, Arjun observes war. . . Indigenous peoples also seclude themselves, engaging in rituals that allow them to see past this realm.
It seems that one must deal with a fair amount of turmoil before coming to a place where there is a desire to end internal suffering. Or, as all the cool kids are saying these days, there is a need to be “woke AF.”
That alchemical cauldron is where my Being is right now. It is all over the place – grasping and flailing all at once – holding onto something that appears to be a “Truth,” but is really more deep illusions. With each moment there are more and more insecurities and worries dispersing. While I’m not at the moment where I could face a Temptor as great as my own Shadow-self, my bags for the journey are being packed.
During this work my greatest companion has been yarn. About every two days I produce a prayer shawl that is worked on during meditation and prayer time. My goal is to have quite a bit in stock so that I can donate half, and sell the other half. From the proceeds I will start my dream of having monthly events called Fiber and Food – a place where all may be fed, as well as learn how to work with fiber. It is still only a tiny idea, but it is the first one,in quite some time, that I’ve consistently and actively worked to achieve.
So, dear hearts, do not worry. All is well in Yarn and Zen land. Remember that being online is an amazing resource, but not everything is as it seems. In fact it might just be something wonderful! ❤
We are all just walking each other home, (with a nod to Baba Ram Dass)
keu/Yarn & Zen